People still talk about “shared residence orders”.

But technically, that is the old language.

The court no longer makes residence orders in the same way.

The modern term is a child arrangements order.

That order can say who a child lives with.

Who they spend time with.

And when.

So if people say “shared residence”, they usually mean an order saying the child lives with both parents.

Not just visits one of them.

Lives with both.

What You Actually Need Is Straightforward, Affordable Advice

You don’t need a full-service law firm with receptionists, expensive partners, and junior staff charging by the minute. You need someone who knows what they’re doing, will tell you the truth, and won’t rinse your savings in the process.

That’s what I offer. I’m a former solicitor advocate with over 20 years of experience in family law. I used to run my own law firm. Now I work directly with people like you... no middlemen, no fluff. Just straight-talking, expert advice for £200 an hour over the phone. No VAT. No extras. No locked-in contracts.

I wrote a post on 11 December 2006, about stress in relationship breakdown.

I separated worries and concerns into those you can do something about...

Your own life issues...

And those you can't...

Such as...

The ozone layer is broken.

Since that time research has advanced to reveal that we can think our way into...

And think our way out of...

Stress.

A bit like the old Henry Ford quote...

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...

You're right.

There comes a point in some relationships where you stop asking:

“Can this be fixed?”

And start asking:

“How do I get out?”

That does not usually happen overnight.

It happens slowly.

After too many arguments.

Too many empty promises.

Too many apologies with no change.

Too many days where you feel more alone with them than you would on your own.

And eventually, you start wondering whether it is time to jump ship.

Why does this even exist?

Surely its all a symptom of a deranged mind?

Falling in love is oftentimes described as madness...

That giddy feeling.

That adoration...

That listening intently to their every word...

As if they drop wisdom bombs when they describe their day...

Wow...It really messes with your mind.

Being in love has the same impact on your brain as cocaine.

This heightened sense of oneness with another being.

This overwhelming happiness.

This joy to be alive because you have this fabulous being in your life.

This typically lasts between 3 to 18 months...

Then the relationship either develops...

or fizzles out.

But these feelings come rushing back when the one you love...

no longer loves you...

and departs.

Former divorce solicitor discusses the concept of "rebounding" after a relationship ends. It defines rebounding as rushing into a new relationship to avoid processing the pain of a breakup, often choosing partners with superficial similarities to the ex. The author outlines signs of rebounding, such as desperation for a new partner and neglecting red flags, and offers advice on how to stop, emphasizing the importance of healing and self-reflection before pursuing new relationships.

The biggest mistake people make when they separate is this:

They act emotionally before they think strategically.

They leave without a plan.

Agree things without advice.

Hand over money without paperwork.

Move out without understanding the consequences.

Trust someone who has already shown them they may not be trustworthy.

And then, months later, they wonder why everything has become a mess.

There comes a point when you know.

Not because one dramatic thing has happened.

But because too many small things have happened.

Too many arguments.

Too many disappointments.

Too many broken promises.

Too many nights lying awake wondering how your life ended up like this.

And eventually, something inside you says:

I have had enough.

Most people think mediation means sitting in a room being forced to agree.

It does not.

Mediation is not marriage counselling.

It is not therapy.

It is not someone telling you to “be nice” and give in.

A mediator is neutral.

Their job is to help you both discuss practical arrangements and see whether agreement is possible.

Children.

Money.

The house.

Pensions.

Maintenance.

School arrangements.

Holidays.

Who pays what.

Who lives where.

People say, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

No.

That is not how relationships work.

Good relationships do not survive on luck.

What do relationships need?

They survive on effort.

Consistency.

Respect.

Communication.

And two people choosing each other, even when life gets difficult.

f you can’t stop fighting, you need to stop pretending this is normal.

Every couple argues.

But constant fighting is different.

That is not communication.

That is two people living in a war zone.

And if there are children in the house, they are living in it too.

So the first question is not:

“Should I get divorced?”

The first question is:

“Is this relationship still capable of repair?”

Because divorce is not the only option.

But doing nothing is also a decision.

And often, it is the worst one.

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate.

I originally wrote this post on 1 August 2006.

I have nothing to add.

The advice still holds true.

Made me smile...

I hope it makes you feel good too.

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/08/divorce-separation.html

TYPICAL QUESTIONS ON DIVORCE.

SHOULD I DATE WHEN TRYING TO GET A DIVORCE?

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

If they didn't they wouldn't keep doing it...

Right?

Some move on to the next victim...

But... some perfect the art of tilting the balance in their favour.

What does this mean?

Why do liars get away with it?

Your need to be with them exceeds your need for an autonomous, happy, meaningful life.

What does that mean?

The pain of leaving exceeds the pain of staying...

Hence...

Liars do get away with it in many instances.

Do people believe politicians?

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate.

I originally wrote this post on 4 October 2007.

Have things changed since then?

A review of the case law would suggest not.

Getting married is a risky business.

Both to your wallet...

and your heart.

How to protect yourself?

How can you protect yourself from potential gold diggers?

I will do a post on how to spot gold diggers...

But the honest answer is...

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 23 June 2009.

Some of the comments were funny... citing that the behaviour listed was criminal.

Yes... that is so.

However, some people don't care.

They lack emotional control.

They are consumed with the desire for venegance.

The need for control.

They become obsessive.

I have experienced this both professionally and personally.

Exes for years and years still trying to cause harm.

Why?

Why do some exes behave so badly?

They are jealous.

They don't want to move on.

They want you to suffer.

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

I wrote this original post on 10 April 2010.

I met lots of people who were stuck.

Stuck in sadness.

Stuck in anger.

Stuck in envy.

Stuck in hate.

Many did not want to be happy and content.

They wore their victimhood like a cloak to protect them.

How to move on?

There are three stages.

They require self-awareness.

They require letting go of the residual benefits of your current situation.

They require courage.

Here's a post I wrote on 27 July 2007...

it drew a lot of negative comments...

from men!

This was not a condemnation of the whole male population... but estimates now say that 35% of men on dating sites such as Bumble are already in a relationship.

That's a lot.

Over a third of men on dating sites are lying to you about their relationship status... apart from the few who openly admit it of course.

Since writing this post in 2007 I have uncovered a few more clues:…

7 Warning Signs to Watch For

When it comes to cheating in relationships, many people assume it’s about falling for someone new.

But often, the threat comes from the past...

particularly an ex.

Reconnecting with an ex can be a slippery slope, and many emotional affairs or full-blown infidelities start exactly there.

If you’ve been feeling like something’s “off” in your relationship...

even if you can’t quite put your finger on it...

you’re not alone.

Trusting your gut is important, especially when your intuition is picking up on subtle shifts in behavior.

Below are seven red flags that may indicate your partner is slipping back into contact with their ex.

While not every sign confirms infidelity, consistent patterns deserve your attention.

1. Sudden Need for Privacy

Has he become extra protective of his phone lately?

Changed his passcode?

Started taking calls or answering texts out of your sight?

While privacy in a relationship is healthy, secrecy is not.

A sudden shift in how he uses technology can be a major clue that he’s communicating with someone he doesn’t want you to know about...

I originally wrote this post on 22 October 2006.

The advice remains the same...

Best not to.

A large number of people who leave their spouse for another...

End up breaking up with the new partner before the divorce is finalised.

Then guess what men do?

Ask their wife to take them back.

Usually the wife responds with a resounding no and the divorce is considerably more acrimonious.

The pros of dating during divorce.

It's exciting.

It's fun.

It's an escape from the misery of the broken relationship.

It staves off lonliness.

I originally wrote this post on 23 December 2010.

It was prompted by a newspaper article but my life since, both professional and anecdotal confirms the message.

If you look at old videos or news reports of people in the street in the 50s, 60s, 70s, even 80s… they mainly look slim and smart.

What has changed?

Life has got easier with technology.

People buy a lot more clothes.

Why don’t they look better?