When is Divorce a bad thing?
Not every divorce is a mutual decision.
Some people are devastated at the loss of their previous life.
Some are shocked...
They never expected their partner would decide it was over.
The finality of divorce...
The forced change.
The loss...
All can have negative effects.
Emotional Consequences
Some people are forced into divorce.
They don't want it.
They can become emotionally frozen in grief.
Their partner may have had an affair and decide to leave.
They may have had an affair they regret and now they stand to lose everything they value.
Their partner may simply have gone off the marriage.
This can come as a shock to some people.
Many who thought things were fine...
Suddenly find out they are not.
And it can have severe emotional consequences.
Depression and anxiety
The feelings of sadness can become overwhelming so they sink into depression.
The hopelessness and sense of loss can cast some adrift so they are beset with anxiety.
Loss of identity
Some may lose their sense of self post-divorce.
Their identity was linked to their marital status and now they feel less than.
Bitterness and Resentment:
If people do not heal and move on from their pain, they can suffer lingering feelings of anger toward an ex-spouse.
This can result in obnoxious behaviour.
A desire for revenge.
A feeling that they want to ruin their ex's happiness.
They forget about their own emotional well-being and become wrapped in an obsession to cause harm and upset to their ex.
They ruin their own lives in a quest to eke out their resentment.
Financial Strain
Increased Costs
Legal fees can have serious financial consquences.
Going forward, child support, and maintaining two households can lead to financial burdens.
Reduced Income
Many, usually women suffer a reduction in lifestyle after divorce.
Their standard of living falls and due to either their lower earning capacity, or their responsibilities for the children, they are unable to achieve the standard of living they enjoyed during the marriage.
Men too can suffer a financial impact.
If they are funding the family home for the ex wife and children, they may not be able to afford a similar home for themselves.
Impact on children
Emotional Distress
Witnessing parental conflict can cause severe emotional harm to children.
Nobody fully considers and supports their loss of family.
They are not consulted in the divorce process and their life rapidly wheels out of control.
Children can feel lost.
Isolated.
Abandoned.
With no emotional support and no one to turn to.
Their parents are too wrapped up in coping with their own issues.
Children can experience confusion...
Sadness...
Anger due to the changes in family dynamics.
Behavioral Issues
Children blame themselves when their parents divorce.
They think if only they had been better heir parents would not have separated.
They then may try to be the perfect child.
Never express their emotions.
Never say what they want.
Comply with everything.
But they lose themselves and bury the sadness and responsibility, which is completely ill-founded, deep within them.
This will negatively effect their future relationships.
Or children can act out and behave very badly for attention.
As the only way they know to express their deep well of pain.
Children suffer extreme grief through divorce.
Academic Challenges
They will either seek to perform brilliantly at school in the hope that their parents will reunite because they have earnt it...
Or they will fail badly.
Unable to concentrate.
Unable to focus on school work when their whole life has been ripped apart.
Or refusing to work in an expression of anger at the vast unfairness of their life.
Social Effects
Isolation
Many feel lonely after divorce.
They now have to coordinate all social interactions.
There is no longer a partner at home.
They are alone.
If they don't make an effort they may see nobody socially.
Changes in Relationships
Friendships change.
Some will lose touch as they choose to remain friends with the ex and do not want to get involved in divided loyalties.
Women especially will discover they are no longer welcome at couples' dinner parties.
As well as losing the structure of a family, all friendships change in their format.
There is also the loss of the in laws.
Which may be painful if relationships with your partner's family were loving and fun.
Not all in laws are bad.
Health Implications
Physical Health
Stress is a killer.
In the extreme it causes heart attacks.
Many can't eat whilst going through the debilitating stress of divorce and lose substantial amounts of weight.
Or their metabolism runs wild and everything they eat goes straight through them.
Some age quite dramatically.
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
To escape the emotional pain, some turn to inappropriate crutches.
Substance abuse.
Alcohol.
Pornography.
Spending profligately.
Before taking the step of divorce...
it is important to consider the potential consequences.
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