Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 2 December 2006

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/12/get-police-on-your-side.html

In matters of domestic violence there appears a wide disparity in the advice people receive from the police.

I always advise my clients to call the police at the first sign of trouble. It is a priority of this Government to focus on domestic violence and racially motivated crimes so the police are supposed to prioritise such incidents. Not so when it comes to anecdotal incidents I've been told about.

" If you want to sort this out get your solicitor to take him to Court. That's what you pay her for."

"Next time you are involved in a domestic incident don't call the police."

" I know he's been convicted and told not to contact you but he may have called your number by mistake. If it happens again we will arrest him."

" I know she's admitted that she threatened to kill you, but she did not have a knife in her hand at the time and women can get away with saying such things so we will not be arresting her."

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

More people are choosing to go it alone in the family court.

Some do it because they cannot afford a solicitor. Some because they have lost trust in the system. Others because they want control, clarity, and a say in how their case is run. Whatever the reason, representing yourself is no longer unusual. It is common. And it is not a sign of weakness.

Going solo is a strategic choice. But it only works if you understand what you are taking on.

Why people go solo

The cost of legal representation is the obvious driver. Full representation in divorce or financial remedy proceedings can easily run into tens of thousands of pounds. For many, that is simply not realistic.

But cost is not the whole story.

• 1. Communication Problems:

  • Lack of open and honest communication: Couples who struggle to communicate their needs, feelings, and concerns effectively often experience growing resentment and misunderstandings.

  • Poor conflict resolution skills: Inability to manage disagreements constructively can lead to escalating arguments and emotional distance.

  • Communication styles: Differences in communication styles (e.g., one partner being more expressive while the other is more reserved) can create barriers to understanding.

  2. Infidelity:

  • Breach of trust: Extramarital affairs can severely damage trust and intimacy within a marriage, often leading to irreparable harm.

By an Ex-Divorce Solicitor

You suspect your husband is cheating.

You have that sinking feeling in your stomach.

Something is off.

He is not quite himself.

You are not imagining it...

and you are not paranoid.

You are reacting to changes...

and often...

Your gut gets there before your brain does.

The first thing to do is stop spiraling.

The second is to get smart.

Here is your step-by-step plan for what to do next.

1. Pay Attention to the Patterns

The emotional divorce is as real as the financial one.

And it can hit far worse.

Suddenly your life is out of control.

You are thrown off track.

If you are the one who wanted the divorce...

You still have to cope with loss...

Loss of your dreams...

Loss of your previous life...

Loss of your place in society.

Divorce is still widely viewed as a negative life event. That perception does not come from the legal reality of divorce, but from deep-rooted social, cultural and emotional assumptions that have built up over generations. Understanding where those views come from helps people make clearer decisions when a marriage is no longer working.

Traditional values and expectations

Many cultures and religions promote marriage as a lifelong commitment. The idea of staying together “for better or worse” is treated as a moral benchmark. When a marriage ends, divorce is often framed as a failure rather than a response to circumstances.

There is also a strong cultural attachment to the traditional family unit. Marriage with two parents under one roof is often idealised as the safest and most stable structure for adults and children alike. Divorce disrupts that image. As a result, people can feel pressure to stay in unhappy or even harmful relationships simply to maintain appearances or avoid judgment.

These beliefs still influence how people view divorce today, even though family life has changed significantly and many marriages now look very different from those traditional models.

When Passion Turns to Hate

Most relationships do not end because people stop caring. They end because something that once felt intense and close becomes painful, resentful and, in some cases, hostile. Passion and hate sit closer together than many people realise. Both are driven by strong emotion, unmet expectations and emotional dependency.

In divorce work, this pattern is common. Couples who once described each other as soulmates now cannot be in the same room without conflict. Understanding how that shift happens helps people recognise when a marriage is no longer healthy.

The early intensity

Passion often comes with idealisation. At the start of a relationship, people focus on connection, attraction and shared hopes. Differences are minimised. Red flags are overlooked. Compromise feels easy because the emotional reward is high.

Divorce is not inherently “right” or “wrong”. It is a legal and personal decision, shaped by individual circumstances, relationships, finances and family life. Yet many people struggle with guilt or doubt because divorce is still framed as a moral issue rather than a practical one.

In reality, divorce sits in a grey area. It can carry serious consequences, but it can also be the least damaging option when a marriage is no longer workable.

The emotional reality of divorce

Divorce is often emotionally difficult. Even when separation is mutual, it involves loss, change and uncertainty.

For children, divorce can be particularly challenging. Many experience anxiety, sadness or behavioural changes, especially where parents are in conflict. Children tend to struggle most not with the separation itself, but with ongoing arguments, instability or being caught between parents.

This can be soo scary even to think about.

Maybe you put on a brave face...

Even with yourself.

So much denial.

You pretend to your friends you are okay.

Pretend to your family everything is fine.

Maybe even pretend to your partner things are good.

But...

Secretly...

Fed up?

Bored?

Lonely in your relationship?

Dislike your spouse?

Can't stand your partner?

Repulsed by their presence?

Annoyed by their every word?

Bored by their jokes?

Annoyed by their faults?

Hate their habits?

Fed up of their family?

Really tired of looking at them?

Feeling sad?

Divorce is a challenging life event, both emotionally and financially. The complexities surrounding the division of assets, debts, and income can be overwhelming. This blog post aims to shed light on some crucial financial aspects of divorce, drawing insights from legal perspectives.

Key Takeaways:

Early Legal Advice is Essential: Consulting a divorce attorney early in the process is crucial. They can guide you on your rights, responsibilities, and the potential financial implications of your decisions.

Deciding whether or not to get a divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration. There is no universal answer as to when it is the “right” time, as every relationship and situation is unique. However, here are some factors to consider:

You do not need to hire a private investigator...

Or hack into her phone to work out if something has changed.

You just need to stop,

Observe,

And pay attention to what is right in front of you.

When women cheat...

They often do not get sloppy.

They get smarter.

They edit.

They alter.

And if you are paying attention

The shift is usually right there in their...

conversation.

If you are wondering whether your husband is cheating ...

Do not bother checking his phone...

or...

Grilling his friends.

Just stop and think.

What is the one thing that changes when a man’s attention is no longer fully on his wife?

It is not always how much time he spends at work.

Or how often he looks at his phone.

Or even how much more carefully he is dressing.

The number one sign?

This is not a condemnation of the whole male population... but estimates now say that 35% of men on dating sites such as Bumble are already in a relationship.

That's a lot.

Over a third of men on dating sites are lying to you about their relationship status... apart from the few who openly admit it of course.

I have uncovered a few more clues:

It’s a question that piques both curiosity and concern:

Who is the number one person women cheat with?

While the answer might vary depending on individual circumstances...

Research and real-world observation...

Especially from the vantage point of a divorce solicitor...

paint a surprisingly consistent picture.

And the answer isn't always what people expect.

It’s Not Just About Sex... It’s About Feeling Seen

Contrary to popular belief...

When women cheat...

It’s often not because they're looking for casual excitement...

or physical gratification.

Instead, it’s usually driven by emotional dissatisfaction.

As someone who has helped thousands of clients through divorce proceedings...

One pattern comes up repeatedly...

Here's the Truth No One Likes to Say Out Loud

When it comes to infidelity in relationships,

many people automatically picture some mysterious stranger...

or a new, seductive person who enters the picture out of nowhere.

But in reality, the number one person that men often cheat with...

isn’t some unfamiliar fling...

it’s usually someone much closer to home...

their ex.

Yes, their ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.

Think back for a moment.

If you’ve been in a relationship where you were cheated on...

and you look closely at who he cheated with...

there’s a high chance it was someone from his past.

And this isn’t just a random coincidence...

it’s a pattern.

A surprisingly common one.

So why is this?

You suspect your wife is cheating.

You have noticed the shift.

Her language has changed.

Her habits are off.

Something in your gut says this is not right.

You are probably feeling confused,

angry,

and betrayed.

But before you act out of emotion...

You need to get smart.

You need to protect yourself...

Not just emotionally...

But legally and financially too.

As an ex-divorce solicitor...

I have seen how suspicion turns into war.

The goal now is to be calm,

clear,

and strategic.

Here is what you need to do.

Self-Care During Divorce: It’s Not a Luxury... It’s Survival

Divorce is one of the most stressful things you’ll ever face.

The legal process is draining.

The emotional fallout is worse.

If you don’t take care of yourself, everything else suffers...

your health,

your decisions,

your future.

Here’s what real self-care looks like during a divorce.

You suspect your wife is cheating.

You have noticed the shift.

Her language has changed.

Her habits are off.

Something in your gut says this is not right.

You are probably feeling confused,

angry,

and betrayed.

But before you act out of emotion...

You need to get smart.

You need to protect yourself...

Not just emotionally...

But legally and financially too.

As an ex-divorce solicitor...

I have seen how suspicion turns into war.

The goal now is to be calm,

clear,

and strategic.

Here is what you need to do.

Do their reasons differ from men?

Surprisingly they do.

While cheating is wrong regardless of gender, understanding the reasons behind it can be valuable for addressing relationship problems. Here are 5 common reasons why women cheat:

1. Emotional Dissatisfaction

• Lack of emotional intimacy: This is frequently cited as a primary reason. Women may seek emotional connection and support outside the relationship if they feel unheard, unappreciated, or emotionally neglected by their partner.

• Feeling disconnected: A lack of emotional intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and a desire for someone who understands and connects with them on a deeper level.