As a former divorce solicitor..

I’ve seen it all...

Broken hearts,

Emotional rebounds,

Whirlwind romances during separation..

And yes...

The occasional rekindled marriage.

One question that came up again and again with clients was this:

“Should I date whilst I’m going through a divorce?”

It's tempting, and understandably so.

But while dating during divorce may offer short-term relief...

It can come with serious long-term consequences...

Both emotionally and legally.

Let’s take an honest and...

Practical look at the pros and cons of dating before your divorce is finalised.

Why People Want to Date During Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally taxing experiences.

It's not just the legal process...

It's the heartbreak.

The upheaval,

and often...

A profound sense of loss.

It’s no wonder many people crave connection,

Comfort,

and even...

Distraction.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

More people are choosing to go it alone in the family court.

Some do it because they cannot afford a solicitor. Some because they have lost trust in the system. Others because they want control, clarity, and a say in how their case is run. Whatever the reason, representing yourself is no longer unusual. It is common. And it is not a sign of weakness.

Going solo is a strategic choice. But it only works if you understand what you are taking on.

Why people go solo

The cost of legal representation is the obvious driver. Full representation in divorce or financial remedy proceedings can easily run into tens of thousands of pounds. For many, that is simply not realistic.

But cost is not the whole story.

By an Ex-Divorce Solicitor

You suspect your husband is cheating.

You have that sinking feeling in your stomach.

Something is off.

He is not quite himself.

You are not imagining it...

and you are not paranoid.

You are reacting to changes...

and often...

Your gut gets there before your brain does.

The first thing to do is stop spiraling.

The second is to get smart.

Here is your step-by-step plan for what to do next.

1. Pay Attention to the Patterns

Divorce is still widely viewed as a negative life event. That perception does not come from the legal reality of divorce, but from deep-rooted social, cultural and emotional assumptions that have built up over generations. Understanding where those views come from helps people make clearer decisions when a marriage is no longer working.

Traditional values and expectations

Many cultures and religions promote marriage as a lifelong commitment. The idea of staying together “for better or worse” is treated as a moral benchmark. When a marriage ends, divorce is often framed as a failure rather than a response to circumstances.

There is also a strong cultural attachment to the traditional family unit. Marriage with two parents under one roof is often idealised as the safest and most stable structure for adults and children alike. Divorce disrupts that image. As a result, people can feel pressure to stay in unhappy or even harmful relationships simply to maintain appearances or avoid judgment.

These beliefs still influence how people view divorce today, even though family life has changed significantly and many marriages now look very different from those traditional models.

Divorce is a challenging life event, both emotionally and financially. The complexities surrounding the division of assets, debts, and income can be overwhelming. This blog post aims to shed light on some crucial financial aspects of divorce, drawing insights from legal perspectives.

Key Takeaways:

Early Legal Advice is Essential: Consulting a divorce attorney early in the process is crucial. They can guide you on your rights, responsibilities, and the potential financial implications of your decisions.

What is a Consent Order?

This post was originally written and posted on my previous blog in August 2006.

Legal points are still valid.

This post received many views and was used by Google to define a Consent Order.

A Consent Order is the legal document by which financial matters are finalised on divorce.

Without this, you are vulnerable to your partner making a financial claim years later.

This can be soo scary even to think about.

Maybe you put on a brave face...

Even with yourself.

So much denial.

You pretend to your friends you are okay.

Pretend to your family everything is fine.

Maybe even pretend to your partner things are good.

But...

Secretly...

Fed up?

Bored?

Lonely in your relationship?

Dislike your spouse?

Can't stand your partner?

Repulsed by their presence?

Annoyed by their every word?

Bored by their jokes?

Annoyed by their faults?

Hate their habits?

Fed up of their family?

Really tired of looking at them?

Feeling sad?

Lonely?

Depressed?

Need to do something?

Deciding whether or not to get a divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration. There is no universal answer as to when it is the "right" time, as every relationship and situation is unique. However, here are some factors to consider:

Consider the seriousness of the problems

• Abuse: If there is any form of abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, or financial), it is crucial to prioritise your safety and well-being. In such cases, seeking help and considering separation or divorce is important.

Divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, including:

1. Communication Issues: Constant misunderstandings and lack of effective communication can lead to frustration and conflict.

2. Infidelity: Betrayal through cheating can destroy trust and intimacy in a relationship.

3. Financial Problems: Disagreements about money management or financial stress can strain a marriage.

4. Loss of Intimacy: A decline in emotional and physical intimacy can create feelings of disconnection.

How to Protect Yourself Financially in Divorce

Divorce is never just emotional...

it is financial.

The moment you separate, your financial security becomes vulnerable.

Whether you were the main earner,

the homemaker,

or somewhere in between,

here’s how to take control of your money and protect your future.

Don’t Just Hire the First Name You Find

Choosing the right solicitor can shape the course of your divorce...

legally, financially, and emotionally.

It's not just about credentials.

It's about trust, strategy, and alignment.

You need someone who understands the legal landscape, but also your priorities.

Here are the questions you must ask before instructing anyone.

Don’t be shy...

you’re hiring them, not the other way around.

Settle or Fight?

When you divorce, you’ve got two choices when it comes to the finances:

1. Reach an agreement.

2. Fight it out.

In England and Wales, around 80% of divorcing couples reach an agreement without going to court. But how they do it varies a lot.

How People Settle

People spend years ruminating over this question:

Should I stay or should I go now?

How profound was that 80s hit?

Not good enough to stay?

Not bad enough to leave?

Feeling discontented?

Dissatisfied?

Maybe even resentful?

What to do?

This can be an unbearable source of anxiety and indecision.

Here's an easy way to work out what you need to do.

Imagine you suddenly received millions in a windfall. 

So much money that it made financial considerations in your circumstances irrelevant to the outcome of your potential separation.

Set your own bar.

For some that will be £5 million,

For others £500 million.  

What would you do with the money?

If your Divorce ends up in Court...

Everything you buy will be under the spotlight.

Plus everything you have bought for the last 12 months.

Are there things you don't want your ex...

or his/her legal team to know about?

Some people find this extremely irritating...