I originally wrote this post on 21 December 2006.

The amazing thing about humans is that we keep making the same mistakes.

Almost 20 years later nothing has changed.

There are still users out there.

And people are still taken advantage of.

What has changed however is the way people meet.

Online dating has taken over.

Sadly, this has led to a lot of disappointment.

Many people now deride relationships online .

The talk reduces relationships to transactional and is termed "the sexual market place".

I wrote a post on 11 December 2006, about stress in relationship breakdown.

I separated worries and concerns into those you can do something about...

Your own life issues...

And those you can't...

Such as...

The ozone layer is broken.

Since that time research has advanced to reveal that we can think our way into...

And think our way out of...

Stress.

A bit like the old Henry Ford quote...

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...

You're right.

There comes a point in some relationships where you stop asking:

“Can this be fixed?”

And start asking:

“How do I get out?”

That does not usually happen overnight.

It happens slowly.

After too many arguments.

Too many empty promises.

Too many apologies with no change.

Too many days where you feel more alone with them than you would on your own.

And eventually, you start wondering whether it is time to jump ship.

Why does this even exist?

Surely its all a symptom of a deranged mind?

Falling in love is oftentimes described as madness...

That giddy feeling.

That adoration...

That listening intently to their every word...

As if they drop wisdom bombs when they describe their day...

Wow...It really messes with your mind.

Being in love has the same impact on your brain as cocaine.

This heightened sense of oneness with another being.

This overwhelming happiness.

This joy to be alive because you have this fabulous being in your life.

This typically lasts between 3 to 18 months...

Then the relationship either develops...

or fizzles out.

But these feelings come rushing back when the one you love...

no longer loves you...

and departs.

Former divorce solicitor discusses the concept of "rebounding" after a relationship ends. It defines rebounding as rushing into a new relationship to avoid processing the pain of a breakup, often choosing partners with superficial similarities to the ex. The author outlines signs of rebounding, such as desperation for a new partner and neglecting red flags, and offers advice on how to stop, emphasizing the importance of healing and self-reflection before pursuing new relationships.

The biggest mistake people make when they separate is this:

They act emotionally before they think strategically.

They leave without a plan.

Agree things without advice.

Hand over money without paperwork.

Move out without understanding the consequences.

Trust someone who has already shown them they may not be trustworthy.

And then, months later, they wonder why everything has become a mess.

There comes a point when you know.

Not because one dramatic thing has happened.

But because too many small things have happened.

Too many arguments.

Too many disappointments.

Too many broken promises.

Too many nights lying awake wondering how your life ended up like this.

And eventually, something inside you says:

I have had enough.

People say, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

No.

That is not how relationships work.

Good relationships do not survive on luck.

What do relationships need?

They survive on effort.

Consistency.

Respect.

Communication.

And two people choosing each other, even when life gets difficult.

f you can’t stop fighting, you need to stop pretending this is normal.

Every couple argues.

But constant fighting is different.

That is not communication.

That is two people living in a war zone.

And if there are children in the house, they are living in it too.

So the first question is not:

“Should I get divorced?”

The first question is:

“Is this relationship still capable of repair?”

Because divorce is not the only option.

But doing nothing is also a decision.

And often, it is the worst one.

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate.

I originally wrote this post on 1 August 2006.

I have nothing to add.

The advice still holds true.

Made me smile...

I hope it makes you feel good too.

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/08/divorce-separation.html

TYPICAL QUESTIONS ON DIVORCE.

SHOULD I DATE WHEN TRYING TO GET A DIVORCE?

I originally wrote this post on 23 December 2010.

It was prompted by a newspaper article but my life since, both professional and anecdotal confirms the message.

If you look at old videos or news reports of people in the street in the 50s, 60s, 70s, even 80s… they mainly look slim and smart.

What has changed?

Life has got easier with technology.

People buy a lot more clothes.

Why don’t they look better?

There comes a point in some marriages where the question is no longer can this be fixed but can I stay and still be myself.

For many people, choosing divorce is not dramatic. It is quiet. It comes after years of trying, compromising, explaining, waiting. By the time the decision is made, the emotional work has often already been done.

Going solo is not about failure. It is about recognising that the partnership has ended, even if the paperwork has not yet caught up.

The moment of clarity

Most people do not wake up one day and decide to divorce. The decision forms slowly.

It often starts with loneliness inside the relationship. A sense that you are carrying everything. That your needs are inconvenient. That your voice is tolerated rather than heard.

Sometimes there is conflict. Sometimes there is indifference, which can be worse.

The moment of clarity usually comes when you realise that staying costs more than leaving. Not financially, but emotionally and psychologically.

That is the point where going solo becomes an act of self-preservation.

The fear of doing it alone

One of the biggest barriers to divorce is fear.

It is an individual thing.

Some have already moved on and slip straight into a full on relationship with their lover.

Some never do.

There is a difference between healing and rushing to replace.

Psychology today states give it a year.

Here is a post I wrote on my Christian blog site, but it works well here too, I have removed the Biblical verses...

However...

If you don't yet allow God in your life... maybe being broken-hearted is a good time to consider letting him in.

Experiencing heartbreak is an almost universal human experience. It can be deeply painful and affect every aspect of your life. But despite how shattering it feels, the heart is resilient, and healing is possible. If you’re struggling with the end of a relationship and the emotional pain that accompanies it, the following tips can help guide you on a path toward healing and finding wholeness once again.

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings

One of the first steps toward healing from a broken heart is to accept your emotions. It can be tempting to push away feelings of sadness, anger, and rejection, but these are natural responses to loss. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment, and recognize that it’s okay to be not okay for a while.

As a former divorce solicitor..

I’ve seen it all...

Broken hearts,

Emotional rebounds,

Whirlwind romances during separation..

And yes...

The occasional rekindled marriage.

One question that came up again and again with clients was this:

“Should I date whilst I’m going through a divorce?”

It's tempting, and understandably so.

But while dating during divorce may offer short-term relief...

It can come with serious long-term consequences...

Both emotionally and legally.

Let’s take an honest and...

Practical look at the pros and cons of dating before your divorce is finalised.

Why People Want to Date During Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally taxing experiences.

It's not just the legal process...

It's the heartbreak.

The upheaval,

and often...

A profound sense of loss.

It’s no wonder many people crave connection,

Comfort,

and even...

Distraction.

It is an individual thing.

Some have already moved on and slip straight into a full on relationship with their lover.

Some never do.

There is a difference between healing and rushing to replace.

Psychology today states give it a year.

Not every divorce is a mutual decision.

Some people are devastated at the loss of their previous life.

Some are shocked...

They never expected their partner would decide it was over.

The finality of divorce...

The forced change.

The loss...

All can have negative effects.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate.

There is a familiar pattern in many unhealthy relationships.

An incident.

An apology.

A gesture.

Then a return to normal, until the next incident.

Flowers often arrive at the apology stage.

They are presented as evidence of remorse,

change,

insight.

A physical symbol meant to close the chapter and move things on.

For some people, they work.

Or rather, they work just enough to keep things going.

But flowers are not enough.

Many clients describe the same cycle.

Hurtful behaviour followed by gifts.

Angry words followed by affection.

Control followed by charm.

Each time, the gift is framed as proof that it will not happen again.

What matters is not the apology.

Let me count the ways...

to misquote our famous bard Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Personal Growth

Maybe you have been stuck in a rut for years.

Maybe you have been stagnant in a comfort zone of misery.

Maybe you lost yourself in the misery of an unhealthy existence.

Divorce may force you to re-evaluate.

Take stock of your life.

• 1. Communication Problems:

  • Lack of open and honest communication: Couples who struggle to communicate their needs, feelings, and concerns effectively often experience growing resentment and misunderstandings.

  • Poor conflict resolution skills: Inability to manage disagreements constructively can lead to escalating arguments and emotional distance.

  • Communication styles: Differences in communication styles (e.g., one partner being more expressive while the other is more reserved) can create barriers to understanding.

  2. Infidelity:

  • Breach of trust: Extramarital affairs can severely damage trust and intimacy within a marriage, often leading to irreparable harm.