Should you Date whilst going through a Divorce?
Pros, Cons, and a Solicitor's Perspective
As a former divorce solicitor..
I’ve seen it all...
Broken hearts,
Emotional rebounds,
Whirlwind romances during separation..
And yes...
The occasional rekindled marriage.
One question that came up again and again with clients was this:
“Should I date whilst I’m going through a divorce?”
It's tempting, and understandably so.
But while dating during divorce may offer short-term relief...
It can come with serious long-term consequences...
Both emotionally and legally.
Let’s take an honest and...
Practical look at the pros and cons of dating before your divorce is finalised.
Why People Want to Date During Divorce
Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally taxing experiences.
It's not just the legal process...
It's the heartbreak.
The upheaval,
and often...
A profound sense of loss.
It’s no wonder many people crave connection,
Comfort,
and even...
Distraction.
Here are some common reasons clients have shared for wanting to date during divorce:
It’s fun.
After months (or years) of tension, dating can feel like a breath of fresh air.
It’s an escape.
Romantic attention provides a temporary break from the stress of divorce proceedings.
It boosts your confidence.
Feeling desired again can be a powerful antidote to low self-esteem.
It fends off loneliness.
The end of a marriage can leave you feeling isolated—dating may offer companionship.
It makes you feel alive again.
That first spark with someone new can reignite feelings of youth, passion, and hope.
It annoys your ex.
Some people admit their motivation is revenge—dating can be a way to ‘win’ or provoke a reaction.
All of these motivations are deeply human...
And very real.
Let’s look at the other side of the coin.
Why You Should Think Twice Before Dating During Divorce
Despite the appeal...
Most professionals...
Including therapists, solicitors, and mediators...
Will give the same advice:
It’s usually best not to date until your divorce is finalized.
Here’s why:
1. You Might Be Running From Pain, Not Toward Healing
Dating can be a distraction from the emotional work of grieving a marriage.
But unresolved pain doesn’t disappear...
It festers.
If you are dating to avoid feeling...
You are setting yourself up for deeper wounds down the line.
2. Rebound Relationships Often Ignore Red Flags
In the early stages of separation...
You are vulnerable.
You might be so eager to move on that you overlook serious incompatibilities.
Rebound relationships often move too fast...
With too little thought.
3. You Might Still Miss Your Ex
It’s entirely possible to fall for someone new...
and...
Still grieve the loss of your marriage.
Many people who date during divorce find the initial excitement fades quickly
And with it...
Unresolved feelings about their ex come flooding back.
4. It Can Make the Divorce Messier
This is a big one.
If your spouse learns you are dating...
Especially early on...
It can inflame tensions and make your divorce significantly more acrimonious.
The legal process becomes longer,
More expensive,
and...
More emotionally charged.
Many clients who leave their spouse for someone else...
break up with that person before the divorce is even finalised.
Then...
surprisingly, or even shockingly..
They try to go back to their spouse.
By then, the damage is done.
The answer is usually a resounding “no,”
And the bitterness runs deeper than before.
5. You Could Be Repeating a Pattern
Without self-reflection and healing...
there’s a risk you’ll replace one problematic relationship with another...
Potentially even worse one.
What feels “different” at first...
May simply be familiar dysfunction in disguise.
6. It Can Hurt Your Children
Children already struggle with the instability of divorce.
Seeing a parent quickly move on...
Especially if it's obvious or public...
Can be confusing,
Painful...
And even damaging.
It’s critical to consider their emotional needs during this transition.
So, Should You Date or Not?
The answer depends on where you are emotionally...
And...
Whether your choices are healing you or hurting you (and others).
Here’s a good rule of thumb:
If you’re dating to run away from pain,
get revenge,
or fill a void,
you’re not ready.
But if you've taken time to grieve,
reflect,
and begin healing...
And your divorce is nearing completion...
You may be in a healthier position to open your heart again.
Still,
even then,
proceed cautiously.
Here are a few tips:
Be honest with yourself about your motivations.
Go slow.
There's no rush—especially when emotions are raw.
Protect your privacy.
Consider keeping new relationships private until the divorce is final.
Think of your children.
Their stability and emotional safety come first.
Avoid introducing new partners prematurely.
It creates confusion and can damage co-parenting trust.
Final Thoughts: Take the Long View
Divorce feels like the end of everything...
But it’s also a beginning. You have a chance to heal,
Grow,
and reset your emotional compass.
That process is worth protecting from drama,
Rebound risks,
and unnecessary heartbreak.
So, should you date during divorce?
You can.
But just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
In most cases,
the wisest path is to wait,
Heal,
and rediscover who you are...
Before inviting someone else along for the journey.
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