Going Solo?
There comes a point in some marriages where the question is no longer can this be fixed but can I stay and still be myself.
For many people, choosing divorce is not dramatic. It is quiet. It comes after years of trying, compromising, explaining, waiting. By the time the decision is made, the emotional work has often already been done.
Going solo is not about failure. It is about recognising that the partnership has ended, even if the paperwork has not yet caught up.
The moment of clarity
Most people do not wake up one day and decide to divorce. The decision forms slowly.
It often starts with loneliness inside the relationship. A sense that you are carrying everything. That your needs are inconvenient. That your voice is tolerated rather than heard.
Sometimes there is conflict. Sometimes there is indifference, which can be worse.
The moment of clarity usually comes when you realise that staying costs more than leaving. Not financially, but emotionally and psychologically.
That is the point where going solo becomes an act of self-preservation.
The fear of doing it alone
One of the biggest barriers to divorce is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of managing money. Fear of what others will think. Fear of starting again.
Many people stay far longer than they should because the unknown feels more dangerous than the familiar, even when the familiar is unhappy or unsafe.
But going solo does not mean being unsupported. It means no longer being tethered to a relationship that no longer works.
Independence is not isolation.
Rewriting identity
Marriage shapes identity in ways we do not always notice until it ends. Decisions are shared. Roles become fixed. Compromises accumulate.
Divorce forces a recalibration.
Who am I when I am not someone’s spouse?
What do I want my days to look like?
What do I need to feel stable and safe?
These questions can feel unsettling, but they are also powerful. Going solo allows space to answer them honestly, without negotiation.
The practical reality
Divorce is emotional, but it is also a legal and financial process. Assets must be disclosed. Arrangements for children must be made. Futures must be divided.
Clarity matters. Preparation matters. Avoidance only makes things harder.
This is where many people feel overwhelmed. Not because they cannot cope, but because everything arrives at once.
Breaking the process into stages helps. One decision at a time. One document at a time. One step forward.
You do not need to have the whole future mapped out on day one.
Letting go of guilt
Many people, particularly women, carry a deep sense of guilt about ending a marriage. Guilt about children. Guilt about finances. Guilt about disappointing others.
But staying in a relationship that drains you is not a virtue.
Children benefit from stability, not silent resentment. They learn from what they observe, not what they are told.
Choosing to go solo can be an act of honesty, not selfishness.
What going solo really means
Going solo is not about rejecting partnership forever. It is about choosing yourself when the relationship no longer allows you to do that.
It is about reclaiming agency. About moving forward with intention rather than endurance.
Divorce is not the end of your story. It is a transition.
And for many, going solo is not a loss. It is a return.
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