The Ethics of Dating during Divorce
Post written by a retired solicitor advocate
I originally wrote this post on 22 October 2006.
The advice remains the same...
Best not to.
A large number of people who leave their spouse for another...
End up breaking up with the new partner before the divorce is finalised.
Then guess what men do?
Ask their wife to take them back.
Usually the wife responds with a resounding no and the divorce is considerably more acrimonious.
The pros of dating during divorce.
It's exciting.
It's fun.
It's an escape from the misery of the broken relationship.
It staves off lonliness.
It's a confidence boost.
It makes you feel valued again.
It's new and not stale.
It's different.
It makes you feel young again.
It makes you feel attractive again.
It annoys your ex... revenge.
The cons of dating during divorce.
You could be running away.
You could be on the rebound.
You will be too eager to gloss over red flags.
You may rush the relationship.
You will still feel lonely if you are with the wrong person.
You will still miss your ex if you love them and the novelty of the new person will wear off quickly.
You could be replacing one problem relationship... with a worse one.
You will hurt your children.
You will annoy your ex and make your divorce worse.
Far worse.
Why Date?
This is a complex decision and the subject of another post.
Suffice to say there are many considerations before you take the plunge.
The two main things to work out are:
Are you emotionally ready?
What impact will it have on your divorce?
Here is the original post:
The law on divorce proceedings in England and Wales has changed since this post was written.
Behaviour no longer has relevance to divorce proceedings.
It is still highly relevant to how your ex approaches financial proceedings, children act matters and injunctions... as it always has been.
Beware and be warned.
https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/10/ethics-of-dating-during-divorce.html
People often ask:
"Can I date now that we've started divorce proceedings?"
The answer most often is:
"No!"
Amicable divorces can be turned into acrimonious divorces overnight if your spouse finds out. At the very least it will complicate financial issues and lead to questions concerning potential cohabitation. It can also affect the divorce itself, because behaviour after divorce proceedings have commenced is relevant.
Divorce is one of the most traumatic events an adult can go through and as such has an impact on your own, and your spouse's behaviour. So, even if your spouse has left you for someone else, expect a reaction if you start the dating game yourself. Divorce turns the most rational, fair minded individual into an irrational twin.
Sometimes of course, dating can be a deliberate attempt to get your partner's attention. Who can forget Princess Diana's revelations? However, the sad fact is that if your spouse wants out, has met another and no longer finds you desirable or attractive, dating someone new is not going to make him/her change his/her mind. What it may do though, is make him/her become more awkward, such as refusing to let you see the children because your new girlfriend has moved in, or refusing to have the kids overnight so that you can't go out without paying for a babysitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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