This is not a condemnation of the whole male population... but estimates now say that 35% of men on dating sites such as Bumble are already in a relationship.

That's a lot.

Over a third of men on dating sites are lying to you about their relationship status... apart from the few who openly admit it of course.

I have uncovered a few more clues:

It’s a question that piques both curiosity and concern:

Who is the number one person women cheat with?

While the answer might vary depending on individual circumstances...

Research and real-world observation...

Especially from the vantage point of a divorce solicitor...

paint a surprisingly consistent picture.

And the answer isn't always what people expect.

It’s Not Just About Sex... It’s About Feeling Seen

Contrary to popular belief...

When women cheat...

It’s often not because they're looking for casual excitement...

or physical gratification.

Instead, it’s usually driven by emotional dissatisfaction.

As someone who has helped thousands of clients through divorce proceedings...

One pattern comes up repeatedly...

Self-Care During Divorce: It’s Not a Luxury... It’s Survival

Divorce is one of the most stressful things you’ll ever face.

The legal process is draining.

The emotional fallout is worse.

If you don’t take care of yourself, everything else suffers...

your health,

your decisions,

your future.

Here’s what real self-care looks like during a divorce.

You suspect your wife is cheating.

You have noticed the shift.

Her language has changed.

Her habits are off.

Something in your gut says this is not right.

You are probably feeling confused,

angry,

and betrayed.

But before you act out of emotion...

You need to get smart.

You need to protect yourself...

Not just emotionally...

But legally and financially too.

As an ex-divorce solicitor...

I have seen how suspicion turns into war.

The goal now is to be calm,

clear,

and strategic.

Here is what you need to do.

Do their reasons differ from men?

Surprisingly they do.

While cheating is wrong regardless of gender, understanding the reasons behind it can be valuable for addressing relationship problems. Here are 5 common reasons why women cheat:

1. Emotional Dissatisfaction

• Lack of emotional intimacy: This is frequently cited as a primary reason. Women may seek emotional connection and support outside the relationship if they feel unheard, unappreciated, or emotionally neglected by their partner.

• Feeling disconnected: A lack of emotional intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and a desire for someone who understands and connects with them on a deeper level.

While cheating is never justified, understanding the underlying reasons why it happens can be helpful in addressing relationship issues. Here are 5 common reasons men cheat:

1. Lack of Emotional Intimacy:

• Feeling disconnected: Men may seek emotional connection and validation outside the relationship if they feel their emotional needs are not being met at home. This can involve feeling unheard, unappreciated, or lacking a sense of closeness with their partner.

• Difficulty expressing emotions: Some men may struggle to express their emotions openly, leading to a sense of isolation and a search for someone who understands them on a deeper level.

When is divorce a good thing?

There are many reasons.

Personal Growth

How so?

Maybe you've been stuck in a rut for years.

Maybe you've been stuck in a stagnant, comfort zone of misery.

Maybe you lost yourself in the sadness of an unhealthy existence.

Divorce can force you to re-evaluate.

To take stock of your life.

Change.

Improve.

Maybe even and here's the buzz phrase of the day...

Glow up.

It may help you to get to know yourself.

Understand who you are.

Embrace your faults.

Accept them at least and embrace your assets.

And you may even dive into a sense of self-awareness you never knew was possible.

We all know the line. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. It's supposed to be optimistic. Accepting. Wise.

But what if it’s nonsense?

Lots of people I speak to in divorce are still quietly grieving the one they really loved.

Not the person they married.

Often not even the person they lived with.

But someone else.

A past relationship they never got over.

A path not taken.

A version of themselves that no longer exists.

They tell themselves they moved on.

They settled down.

What is a Consent Order?

This post was originally written and posted on my previous blog in August 2006.

Legal points are still valid.

This post received many views and was used by Google to define a Consent Order.

A Consent Order is the legal document by which financial matters are finalised on divorce.

Without this, you are vulnerable to your partner making a financial claim years later.

Why Women Cheat...

It’s Not What You Think

Most men assume women cheat because they’re “crazy” or irrational. That’s often the word they use.

She’s emotional.

She’s moody.

She changes her mind.

She flips from warm to cold overnight.

But calling her crazy isn’t an explanation.

It’s a reaction.

What’s really going on is deeper,

and if you don’t understand it,

you risk losing your relationship without even seeing it coming.

Women Cheat Because of Feelings, Not Logic

Men tend to use logic to assess situations.

They think in systems,

patterns,

processes.

So when their partner’s behaviour doesn’t follow that logic...

when she starts arguments,

withdraws affection,

or becomes distant...

This can be soo scary even to think about.

Maybe you put on a brave face...

Even with yourself.

So much denial.

You pretend to your friends you are okay.

Pretend to your family everything is fine.

Maybe even pretend to your partner things are good.

But...

Secretly...

Fed up?

Bored?

Lonely in your relationship?

Dislike your spouse?

Can't stand your partner?

Repulsed by their presence?

Annoyed by their every word?

Bored by their jokes?

Annoyed by their faults?

Hate their habits?

Fed up of their family?

Really tired of looking at them?

Feeling sad?

Lonely?

Depressed?

Need to do something?

Deciding whether or not to get a divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration. There is no universal answer as to when it is the "right" time, as every relationship and situation is unique. However, here are some factors to consider:

Consider the seriousness of the problems

• Abuse: If there is any form of abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, or financial), it is crucial to prioritise your safety and well-being. In such cases, seeking help and considering separation or divorce is important.

Deciding whether someone is ready to get divorced is a deeply personal process and can vary greatly from individual to individual. Here are several factors to consider when reflecting on this significant life choice:

Signs You Might Be Ready for Divorce

1. Loss of Communication:

   • Effective communication is key in any relationship. If attempts to talk and resolve issues have repeatedly failed, it may signal that the relationship is no longer healthy.

Divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, including:

1. Communication Issues: Constant misunderstandings and lack of effective communication can lead to frustration and conflict.

2. Infidelity: Betrayal through cheating can destroy trust and intimacy in a relationship.

3. Financial Problems: Disagreements about money management or financial stress can strain a marriage.

4. Loss of Intimacy: A decline in emotional and physical intimacy can create feelings of disconnection.

So Why Do Men Cheat?

The number one reason men cheat is opportunity.

If he’s on a desert island, he won’t cheat.

If he’s surrounded by attractive, interested women every day...

at work,

at the gym,

on social media...

the temptation is constant.

What men often lack isn’t love or sex at home.

It’s boundaries.

They drift.

One DM,

one “innocent” drink,

one moment of boredom...

and they’re in.

How Much Will Your Divorce Really Cost?

When clients come to me after separation, they’re usually focused on one thing: the legal bill. They worry about solicitor’s fees, court costs, and what it’s going to take to get the divorce through. But the real cost of divorce isn’t on the invoice. It’s in the years of your life you won’t get back.

People often overlook are the other, less visible costs: the emotional toll, the time drain, and the sheer energy it takes.

People spend years ruminating over this question:

Should I stay or should I go now?

How profound was that 80s hit?

Not good enough to stay?

Not bad enough to leave?

Feeling discontented?

Dissatisfied?

Maybe even resentful?

What to do?

This can be an unbearable source of anxiety and indecision.

Here's an easy way to work out what you need to do.

Imagine you suddenly received millions in a windfall. 

So much money that it made financial considerations in your circumstances irrelevant to the outcome of your potential separation.

Set your own bar.

For some that will be £5 million,

For others £500 million.  

What would you do with the money?

Worst thing about getting divorced?

19 Jul

What is the worst thing about getting divorced?

Think about it.

Is it the money?

The change in lifestyle?

The loss of the family home?

Is it losing your ex-partner...

Even if the relationship was not working?

Is it the impact on your children?

Is it the sheer loneliness?

Is it the loss of your role in society...

7 Warning Signs to Watch For

When it comes to cheating in relationships, many people assume it’s about falling for someone new.

But often, the threat comes from the past...

particularly an ex.

Reconnecting with an ex can be a slippery slope, and many emotional affairs or full-blown infidelities start exactly there.

If you’ve been feeling like something’s “off” in your relationship...

even if you can’t quite put your finger on it...

you’re not alone.

Trusting your gut is important, especially when your intuition is picking up on subtle shifts in behavior.

Below are seven red flags that may indicate your partner is slipping back into contact with their ex.

While not every sign confirms infidelity, consistent patterns deserve your attention.