Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate.

I originally wrote this post on 1 August 2006.

I have nothing to add.

The advice still holds true.

Made me smile...

I hope it makes you feel good too.

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/08/divorce-separation.html

TYPICAL QUESTIONS ON DIVORCE.

SHOULD I DATE WHEN TRYING TO GET A DIVORCE?

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

If they didn't they wouldn't keep doing it...

Right?

Some move on to the next victim...

But... some perfect the art of tilting the balance in their favour.

What does this mean?

Why do liars get away with it?

Your need to be with them exceeds your need for an autonomous, happy, meaningful life.

What does that mean?

The pain of leaving exceeds the pain of staying...

Hence...

Liars do get away with it in many instances.

Do people believe politicians?

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate.

I originally wrote this post on 4 October 2007.

Have things changed since then?

A review of the case law would suggest not.

Getting married is a risky business.

Both to your wallet...

and your heart.

How to protect yourself?

How can you protect yourself from potential gold diggers?

I will do a post on how to spot gold diggers...

But the honest answer is...

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 23 June 2009.

Some of the comments were funny... citing that the behaviour listed was criminal.

Yes... that is so.

However, some people don't care.

They lack emotional control.

They are consumed with the desire for venegance.

The need for control.

They become obsessive.

I have experienced this both professionally and personally.

Exes for years and years still trying to cause harm.

Why?

Why do some exes behave so badly?

They are jealous.

They don't want to move on.

They want you to suffer.

Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

I wrote this original post on 10 April 2010.

I met lots of people who were stuck.

Stuck in sadness.

Stuck in anger.

Stuck in envy.

Stuck in hate.

Many did not want to be happy and content.

They wore their victimhood like a cloak to protect them.

How to move on?

There are three stages.

They require self-awareness.

They require letting go of the residual benefits of your current situation.

They require courage.

Here's a post I wrote on 27 July 2007...

it drew a lot of negative comments...

from men!

This was not a condemnation of the whole male population... but estimates now say that 35% of men on dating sites such as Bumble are already in a relationship.

That's a lot.

Over a third of men on dating sites are lying to you about their relationship status... apart from the few who openly admit it of course.

Since writing this post in 2007 I have uncovered a few more clues:…

I originally wrote this post on 22 October 2006.

The advice remains the same...

Best not to.

A large number of people who leave their spouse for another...

End up breaking up with the new partner before the divorce is finalised.

Then guess what men do?

Ask their wife to take them back.

Usually the wife responds with a resounding no and the divorce is considerably more acrimonious.

The pros of dating during divorce.

It's exciting.

It's fun.

It's an escape from the misery of the broken relationship.

It staves off lonliness.

I originally wrote this post on 23 December 2010.

It was prompted by a newspaper article but my life since, both professional and anecdotal confirms the message.

If you look at old videos or news reports of people in the street in the 50s, 60s, 70s, even 80s… they mainly look slim and smart.

What has changed?

Life has got easier with technology.

People buy a lot more clothes.

Why don’t they look better?

There comes a point in some marriages where the question is no longer can this be fixed but can I stay and still be myself.

For many people, choosing divorce is not dramatic. It is quiet. It comes after years of trying, compromising, explaining, waiting. By the time the decision is made, the emotional work has often already been done.

Going solo is not about failure. It is about recognising that the partnership has ended, even if the paperwork has not yet caught up.

The moment of clarity

Most people do not wake up one day and decide to divorce. The decision forms slowly.

It often starts with loneliness inside the relationship. A sense that you are carrying everything. That your needs are inconvenient. That your voice is tolerated rather than heard.

Sometimes there is conflict. Sometimes there is indifference, which can be worse.

The moment of clarity usually comes when you realise that staying costs more than leaving. Not financially, but emotionally and psychologically.

That is the point where going solo becomes an act of self-preservation.

The fear of doing it alone

One of the biggest barriers to divorce is fear.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 9 October 2006.

The advice remains the same.

The answer is no.

Divorce is a form of litigation and hence your interests differ from your ex's.

Most people who separate do not end up in divorce court.

They can reach a sensible agreement and simply wish for it to be made legal.

They cannot mediate because they are already in agreement.

They just want a solicitor to draft it.

Sometimes only one will instruct a solicitor.

This is not ideal because that solicitor has a duty to advise their client on the best outcome for them.

The other party, with no legal knowledge, may sign something not realising it is not in their best interest.

For example, monthly payments are always spousal maintenance (or child maintenance but there are specific legal restrictions in this regard), even if you think you are paying for the dog.

This leaves the door open for a future increase.

Or another bite at the capital cherry in the form of capitalised maintenance.

It is important to always seek legal advice.

It is an individual thing.

Some have already moved on and slip straight into a full on relationship with their lover.

Some never do.

There is a difference between healing and rushing to replace.

Psychology today states give it a year.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate.

The emotional divorce is real.

Sometimes it hurts more than the money.

Because money is numbers.
But this is identity.

One day you’re functioning.
Next day you’re not sure who you are without them.

If you wanted the divorce, you can still grieve.
You lose the future you imagined.
The routines.
The “we”.
The sense of belonging that comes with being a couple.

If you didn’t want it, it can feel like you’ve been pushed off a cliff.
And the worst part is often this...

Your ex looks fine.

Not because it didn’t matter.
But because they left emotionally months or years ago.
They processed the ending while you were still trying to fix it.

So you’re living two different timelines.

That gap is brutal.

Rejection is part of the pain

Rejection doesn’t just sting.
It can make you question your value, your attractiveness, your judgement, your whole past.

If you’re not used to being rejected, it hits harder.
Because you think it means something final.

It usually doesn’t.

It means one relationship ended.
Not your life.

Here is a post I wrote on my Christian blog site, but it works well here too, I have removed the Biblical verses...

However...

If you don't yet allow God in your life... maybe being broken-hearted is a good time to consider letting him in.

Experiencing heartbreak is an almost universal human experience. It can be deeply painful and affect every aspect of your life. But despite how shattering it feels, the heart is resilient, and healing is possible. If you’re struggling with the end of a relationship and the emotional pain that accompanies it, the following tips can help guide you on a path toward healing and finding wholeness once again.

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings

One of the first steps toward healing from a broken heart is to accept your emotions. It can be tempting to push away feelings of sadness, anger, and rejection, but these are natural responses to loss. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment, and recognize that it’s okay to be not okay for a while.

It is an individual thing.

Some have already moved on and slip straight into a full on relationship with their lover.

Some never do.

There is a difference between healing and rushing to replace.

Psychology today states give it a year.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate.

There is a familiar pattern in many unhealthy relationships.

An incident.

An apology.

A gesture.

Then a return to normal, until the next incident.

Flowers often arrive at the apology stage.

They are presented as evidence of remorse,

change,

insight.

A physical symbol meant to close the chapter and move things on.

For some people, they work.

Or rather, they work just enough to keep things going.

But flowers are not enough.

Many clients describe the same cycle.

Hurtful behaviour followed by gifts.

Angry words followed by affection.

Control followed by charm.

Each time, the gift is framed as proof that it will not happen again.

What matters is not the apology.

Let me count the ways...

to misquote our famous bard Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Personal Growth

Maybe you have been stuck in a rut for years.

Maybe you have been stagnant in a comfort zone of misery.

Maybe you lost yourself in the misery of an unhealthy existence.

Divorce may force you to re-evaluate.

Take stock of your life.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 9 November 2006

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/11/secret-wish.html

I know a young boy who attended his father's wedding recently. In the joviality of events he was asked to make three wishes by a passing drunken adult.

OK he said:

Number 1 - I want to be a famous footballer

Number 2 - I want my mum to stop being mean to me.

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 2 December 2006

https://divorcesolicitor.blogspot.com/2006/12/get-police-on-your-side.html

In matters of domestic violence there appears a wide disparity in the advice people receive from the police.

I always advise my clients to call the police at the first sign of trouble. It is a priority of this Government to focus on domestic violence and racially motivated crimes so the police are supposed to prioritise such incidents. Not so when it comes to anecdotal incidents I've been told about.

" If you want to sort this out get your solicitor to take him to Court. That's what you pay her for."

"Next time you are involved in a domestic incident don't call the police."

" I know he's been convicted and told not to contact you but he may have called your number by mistake. If it happens again we will arrest him."

" I know she's admitted that she threatened to kill you, but she did not have a knife in her hand at the time and women can get away with saying such things so we will not be arresting her."

Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

More people are choosing to go it alone in the family court.

Some do it because they cannot afford a solicitor. Some because they have lost trust in the system. Others because they want control, clarity, and a say in how their case is run. Whatever the reason, representing yourself is no longer unusual. It is common. And it is not a sign of weakness.

Going solo is a strategic choice. But it only works if you understand what you are taking on.

Why people go solo

The cost of legal representation is the obvious driver. Full representation in divorce or financial remedy proceedings can easily run into tens of thousands of pounds. For many, that is simply not realistic.

But cost is not the whole story.

• 1. Communication Problems:

  • Lack of open and honest communication: Couples who struggle to communicate their needs, feelings, and concerns effectively often experience growing resentment and misunderstandings.

  • Poor conflict resolution skills: Inability to manage disagreements constructively can lead to escalating arguments and emotional distance.

  • Communication styles: Differences in communication styles (e.g., one partner being more expressive while the other is more reserved) can create barriers to understanding.

  2. Infidelity:

  • Breach of trust: Extramarital affairs can severely damage trust and intimacy within a marriage, often leading to irreparable harm.