There are many reasons why people separate.

Some more valid than others.

Some people get bored.

Some seek excitement elsewhere.

Some are doomed from the start... think Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage.

Some are tricked into marrying someone who pretended to be someone else.

Some are golddiggers.

Some are psychopaths and narcissists.

Some simply marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

Here are the main reasons relationships break down:

I wrote a post on 11 December 2006, about stress in relationship breakdown.

I separated worries and concerns into those you can do something about...

Your own life issues...

And those you can't...

Such as...

The ozone layer is broken.

Since that time research has advanced to reveal that we can think our way into...

And think our way out of...

Stress.

A bit like the old Henry Ford quote...

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...

You're right.

There comes a point in some relationships where you stop asking:

“Can this be fixed?”

And start asking:

“How do I get out?”

That does not usually happen overnight.

It happens slowly.

After too many arguments.

Too many empty promises.

Too many apologies with no change.

Too many days where you feel more alone with them than you would on your own.

And eventually, you start wondering whether it is time to jump ship.

Why does this even exist?

Surely its all a symptom of a deranged mind?

Falling in love is oftentimes described as madness...

That giddy feeling.

That adoration...

That listening intently to their every word...

As if they drop wisdom bombs when they describe their day...

Wow...It really messes with your mind.

Being in love has the same impact on your brain as cocaine.

This heightened sense of oneness with another being.

This overwhelming happiness.

This joy to be alive because you have this fabulous being in your life.

This typically lasts between 3 to 18 months...

Then the relationship either develops...

or fizzles out.

But these feelings come rushing back when the one you love...

no longer loves you...

and departs.

The biggest mistake people make when they separate is this:

They act emotionally before they think strategically.

They leave without a plan.

Agree things without advice.

Hand over money without paperwork.

Move out without understanding the consequences.

Trust someone who has already shown them they may not be trustworthy.

And then, months later, they wonder why everything has become a mess.

There comes a point when you know.

Not because one dramatic thing has happened.

But because too many small things have happened.

Too many arguments.

Too many disappointments.

Too many broken promises.

Too many nights lying awake wondering how your life ended up like this.

And eventually, something inside you says:

I have had enough.

I originally wrote this post on 23 December 2010.

It was prompted by a newspaper article but my life since, both professional and anecdotal confirms the message.

If you look at old videos or news reports of people in the street in the 50s, 60s, 70s, even 80s… they mainly look slim and smart.

What has changed?

Life has got easier with technology.

People buy a lot more clothes.

Why don’t they look better?

The emotional divorce is as real as the financial one.

And it can hit far worse.

Suddenly your life is out of control.

You are thrown off track.

If you are the one who wanted the divorce...

You still have to cope with loss...

Loss of your dreams...

Loss of your previous life...

Loss of your place in society.

You suspect your wife is cheating.

You have noticed the shift.

Her language has changed.

Her habits are off.

Something in your gut says this is not right.

You are probably feeling confused,

angry,

and betrayed.

But before you act out of emotion...

You need to get smart.

You need to protect yourself...

Not just emotionally...

But legally and financially too.

As an ex-divorce solicitor...

I have seen how suspicion turns into war.

The goal now is to be calm,

clear,

and strategic.

Here is what you need to do.

This can be soo scary even to think about.

Maybe you put on a brave face...

Even with yourself.

So much denial.

You pretend to your friends you are okay.

Pretend to your family everything is fine.

Maybe even pretend to your partner things are good.

But...

Secretly...

Fed up?

Bored?

Lonely in your relationship?

Dislike your spouse?

Can't stand your partner?

Repulsed by their presence?

Annoyed by their every word?

Bored by their jokes?

Annoyed by their faults?

Hate their habits?

Fed up of their family?

Really tired of looking at them?

Feeling sad?

Lonely?

Depressed?

Need to do something?

How Much Will Your Divorce Really Cost?

When clients come to me after separation, they’re usually focused on one thing: the legal bill. They worry about solicitor’s fees, court costs, and what it’s going to take to get the divorce through. But the real cost of divorce isn’t on the invoice. It’s in the years of your life you won’t get back.

People often overlook are the other, less visible costs: the emotional toll, the time drain, and the sheer energy it takes.

People spend years ruminating over this question:

Should I stay or should I go now?

How profound was that 80s hit?

Not good enough to stay?

Not bad enough to leave?

Feeling discontented?

Dissatisfied?

Maybe even resentful?

What to do?

This can be an unbearable source of anxiety and indecision.

Here's an easy way to work out what you need to do.

Imagine you suddenly received millions in a windfall. 

So much money that it made financial considerations in your circumstances irrelevant to the outcome of your potential separation.

Set your own bar.

For some that will be £5 million,

For others £500 million.  

What would you do with the money?

Worst thing about getting divorced?

19 Jul

What is the worst thing about getting divorced?

Think about it.

Is it the money?

The change in lifestyle?

The loss of the family home?

Is it losing your ex-partner...

Even if the relationship was not working?

Is it the impact on your children?

Is it the sheer loneliness?

Is it the loss of your role in society...

7 Warning Signs to Watch For

When it comes to cheating in relationships, many people assume it’s about falling for someone new.

But often, the threat comes from the past...

particularly an ex.

Reconnecting with an ex can be a slippery slope, and many emotional affairs or full-blown infidelities start exactly there.

If you’ve been feeling like something’s “off” in your relationship...

even if you can’t quite put your finger on it...

you’re not alone.

Trusting your gut is important, especially when your intuition is picking up on subtle shifts in behavior.

Below are seven red flags that may indicate your partner is slipping back into contact with their ex.

While not every sign confirms infidelity, consistent patterns deserve your attention.

One of the things that it's important to come to terms with when you're going through a separation is that nobody else really cares.

People can show interest in what's going on.

Even gossip or be nosy.

It's like when you you first get married.

People are intrusive and ask when you are going to start a family.

When you divorce people ask for the details.