The True Cost of Divorce
How Much Will Your Divorce Really Cost?
When clients come to me after separation, they’re usually focused on one thing: the legal bill. They worry about solicitor’s fees, court costs, and what it’s going to take to get the divorce through. But the real cost of divorce isn’t on the invoice. It’s in the years of your life you won’t get back.
People often overlook are the other, less visible costs: the emotional toll, the time drain, and the sheer energy it takes.
I’ve seen people spend a decade or more fighting their ex. Court applications, enforcement proceedings, repeated hearings over the same issues. It becomes a way of life. The worst case I handled dragged on for 12 years. And for what?
The reality is, divorce doesn’t just cost you money. It costs you your health, your peace, your energy. And you can’t put that on a spreadsheet.
When Wealth Fuels the Fire
You’d think money makes things easier. But often it does the opposite.
In long marriages, there’s more at stake..
property, pensions, businesses, reputations.
And when there’s a high earner involved, there’s more scope for litigation.
People will fight harder when there’s more to lose.
Some people look at the cost and tell themselves they’ll earn their way out of it eventually.
But not everyone has that luxury.
And even those who do often don’t realise that by fighting tooth and nail, they’re eroding their own future.
They’re burning health, energy, and money on a battle that won't give them peace.
Some wealthy clients think they can afford to fight forever. “I’ll earn it back.”
But what they don’t realise is the price isn’t just financial.
They’re paying with time, sleep, relationships, and focus.
If they run a business, that’s at risk too.
I've seen entire companies collapse during a divorce.
Why It Drags On
What keeps these cases going?
Pride.
Guilt.
Revenge.
People want to punish.
Or they want to atone.
I’ve seen men pay far more than they need to out of guilt for leaving.
I’ve seen women try to “win” by running up legal bills just to wear the other side down.
People will pay thousands just to be difficult.
It becomes a moral war, not a financial one.
But the courts aren’t interested in morality.
They want fairness.
They deal in facts and figures, not feelings.
What the Law Says
Financial remedy is about needs, sharing, and compensation. The starting point is equality. But departures can be made for things like:
Short marriages (Miller/McFarlane [2006] UKHL 24)
Pre-acquired or post-separation assets
Significant disparity in needs, especially where children are involved
The longer you fight, the more those assets shrink. Legal costs are rarely recovered in full. Even with conduct, the bar is high (see OG v AG [2020] EWFC 52).
How to Keep Control
The key is to separate the emotional divorce from the financial one. That doesn’t mean you have to be robotic. But you need to be strategic.
Ask yourself:
Am I fighting for something that matters long-term?
Am I reacting or responding?
Is my solicitor advising me with a cool head—or fuelling the conflict?
Final Thoughts
Divorce doesn’t need to destroy you.
It can be the start of something better…
but only if you don’t let it consume you first.
Be smart.
Get advice.
Keep it focused.
And never forget: the real cost of divorce isn’t just in the courtroom. I
t’s in the time, health and peace you either preserve…
or lose.
Need advice?