Reasons why people separate
post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate
There are many reasons why people separate.
Some more valid than others.
Some people get bored.
Some seek excitement elsewhere.
Some are doomed from the start... think Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage.
Some are tricked into marrying someone who pretended to be someone else.
Some are golddiggers.
Some are psychopaths and narcissists.
Some simply marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Here are the main reasons relationships break down:
Lack of Commitment
Some people can't commit.
Or they choose not to.
Commitment is a choice.
Many choose not to make it.
Why?
There are various psychological explanations, ranging from immaturity and selfishness to childhood trauma and fear... but an inability, or an unwillingness to commit leads to the breakdown of a relationship.
A lack of commitment leads to other problems.
It results in resentment and disconnection.
Infidelity.
This betrayal tops the chart as the primary cause of divorce.
It is the most serious of betrayals and is difficult to recover from.
Many find it impossible to trust their partner again and the result is divorce.
Not only is infidelity devastating to a marriage, it is devastating to the betrayed person's well being.
It can have a severe impact on their self esteem and ability to trust others moving forward.
Someone who has been betrayed can then fall into the trap of marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons... for example... someone who they are sure would never betray them... but is still wholly unsuitable... a good example of the old idiom... jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
Conflict
You just don't get on.
Everything they do irritates you.
Even their breathing.
Constant conflict erodes the foundation of a marriage and an inability to resolve difficulties is a signal of impending doom.
If couples argue over the slightest thing, and even seek to disagree, then this escalates to contempt which is a death toll to a relationship.
Financial problems
The proverb:
When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out the window...
exists because it is true.
Many relationships break down due to financial worries.
If basic needs cannot be met, relationships are placed under strain.
If the man you married loses his livelihood, a departure from the marriage vows, for better or worse, often follows.
Abusive behaviour.
Abuse takes many forms.
Physical.
Sexual.
Financial.
Psychological.
Emotional.
The newish domestic abuse charge... coercive control... is designed to catch those who bully others in various forms.
All forms of abuse, should not be tolerated and should lead to divorce.
Addictions
It is estimated that 15% of the population are addicted.
Pick your poison:
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Gambling.
Pornography.
Sex.
Shopping.
Food.
Lying.
Whatever form addiction takes, the culprit is unable to sustain a healthy relationship.
The addiction will result in anti social and unacceptable behaviours.
Lying to your partner.
Betraying your partner.
Pretending to be someone you are not.
Destroying the marital finances.
Causing disruption with other relationships, both friends and family.
All of this results in the relationship failing.
Those who are addicted have no room for others.
They need to focus on their own recovery first, before they can engage in a romantic tryst.
There are many reasons why relationships fail, but most are fundamental.
The above are serious signposts and warning signs.
Some people remain in unhappy relationships for years, decades even.
An audit of your relationship and whether it is redeemable is often an urgent task that is delayed until it is too late.
Need legal advice about separation, infidelity, or divorce?
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