Settle or fight? How to decide what’s right in divorce
Settle or Fight?
When you divorce, you’ve got two choices when it comes to the finances:
Reach an agreement.
Fight it out.
In England and Wales, around 80% of divorcing couples reach an agreement without going to court. But how they do it varies a lot.
How People Settle
Some just walk away with nothing.
Some split things 50/50.
Some give more to the one who "needs" more.
Some give more out of guilt.
Some give in because of pressure or bullying.
Not every agreement is fair—but it ends the matter.
A deal doesn’t have to be fair…
it just has to be accepted by both parties and approved by the court. That approval is usually a formality unless the deal is clearly unjust or the paperwork is poor.
What Happens If You Fight?
If you go to court, nothing is guaranteed. You may think you’ve got the best case in the world, but the judge might not agree.
I’ve seen judges:
Favour wives
Favour husbands
Split pensions 50/50
Take a hard line on self-sufficiency
Judges have wide discretion. They’re guided by statute and case law, but how they apply it can vary. Some judges genuinely do have a “reputation” for certain views—but that doesn’t mean you get to pick one. You can’t choose your judge. It’s a lottery.
Divorce Tourism and Legal Precedent
People used to try and issue in London to get a perceived “better” deal, especially in high-net-worth cases. But whether you’re in the High Court or the local Family Court, you’re still bound by the same legal framework…
statute and precedent.
Cost, Proportionality and Reality
There is usually a finite pot. Even if one of you earns more or might do well in future, assets and time are still limited.
You can spend £100,000 each on legal fees, or concede a bit more and move on.
Spending £50,000 on a £2 million pension? Makes sense.
Spending £100,000 fighting over £300,000? That’s madness. But it happens. A lot.
When You're Up Against a Fighter
Some people won’t settle, no matter how fair the offer.
They’re not driven by money…
they’re driven by revenge.
They don’t need a label like narcissist.
The label they deserve is: Vendetta.
You can call them what they are: obsessed with payback.
If you're facing someone like that, you’ve got two options:
Fight back hard.
Walk away early with your sanity.
Just make sure your decision is strategic, not emotional.
Need Help With the Strategy?
Whether you’re aiming to settle or prepare for trial,…
get expert guidance from someone who’s been there.
for honest advice, clear strategy, and practical support.