Post written by a retired family law solicitor advocate

I originally wrote this post on 9 October 2006.

The advice remains the same.

The answer is no.

Divorce is a form of litigation and hence your interests differ from your ex's.

Most people who separate do not end up in divorce court.

They can reach a sensible agreement and simply wish for it to be made legal.

They cannot mediate because they are already in agreement.

They just want a solicitor to draft it.

Sometimes only one will instruct a solicitor.

This is not ideal because that solicitor has a duty to advise their client on the best outcome for them.

The other party, with no legal knowledge, may sign something not realising it is not in their best interest.

For example, monthly payments are always spousal maintenance (or child maintenance but there are specific legal restrictions in this regard), even if you think you are paying for the dog.

This leaves the door open for a future increase.

Or another bite at the capital cherry in the form of capitalised maintenance.

It is important to always seek legal advice.

As a former divorce solicitor..

I’ve seen it all...

Broken hearts,

Emotional rebounds,

Whirlwind romances during separation..

And yes...

The occasional rekindled marriage.

One question that came up again and again with clients was this:

“Should I date whilst I’m going through a divorce?”

It's tempting, and understandably so.

But while dating during divorce may offer short-term relief...

It can come with serious long-term consequences...

Both emotionally and legally.

Let’s take an honest and...

Practical look at the pros and cons of dating before your divorce is finalised.

Why People Want to Date During Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally taxing experiences.

It's not just the legal process...

It's the heartbreak.

The upheaval,

and often...

A profound sense of loss.

It’s no wonder many people crave connection,

Comfort,

and even...

Distraction.

It’s a question that piques both curiosity and concern:

Who is the number one person women cheat with?

While the answer might vary depending on individual circumstances...

Research and real-world observation...

Especially from the vantage point of a divorce solicitor...

paint a surprisingly consistent picture.

And the answer isn't always what people expect.

It’s Not Just About Sex... It’s About Feeling Seen

Contrary to popular belief...

When women cheat...

It’s often not because they're looking for casual excitement...

or physical gratification.

Instead, it’s usually driven by emotional dissatisfaction.

As someone who has helped thousands of clients through divorce proceedings...

One pattern comes up repeatedly...

Self-Care During Divorce: It’s Not a Luxury... It’s Survival

Divorce is one of the most stressful things you’ll ever face.

The legal process is draining.

The emotional fallout is worse.

If you don’t take care of yourself, everything else suffers...

your health,

your decisions,

your future.

Here’s what real self-care looks like during a divorce.

Do their reasons differ from men?

Surprisingly they do.

While cheating is wrong regardless of gender, understanding the reasons behind it can be valuable for addressing relationship problems. Here are 5 common reasons why women cheat:

1. Emotional Dissatisfaction

• Lack of emotional intimacy: This is frequently cited as a primary reason. Women may seek emotional connection and support outside the relationship if they feel unheard, unappreciated, or emotionally neglected by their partner.

• Feeling disconnected: A lack of emotional intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and a desire for someone who understands and connects with them on a deeper level.

While cheating is never justified, understanding the underlying reasons why it happens can be helpful in addressing relationship issues. Here are 5 common reasons men cheat:

1. Lack of Emotional Intimacy:

• Feeling disconnected: Men may seek emotional connection and validation outside the relationship if they feel their emotional needs are not being met at home. This can involve feeling unheard, unappreciated, or lacking a sense of closeness with their partner.

• Difficulty expressing emotions: Some men may struggle to express their emotions openly, leading to a sense of isolation and a search for someone who understands them on a deeper level.

When is divorce a good thing?

There are many reasons.

Personal Growth

How so?

Maybe you've been stuck in a rut for years.

Maybe you've been stuck in a stagnant, comfort zone of misery.

Maybe you lost yourself in the sadness of an unhealthy existence.

Divorce can force you to re-evaluate.

To take stock of your life.

Change.

Improve.

Maybe even and here's the buzz phrase of the day...

Glow up.

It may help you to get to know yourself.

Understand who you are.

Embrace your faults.

Accept them at least and embrace your assets.

And you may even dive into a sense of self-awareness you never knew was possible.

Why Women Cheat...

It’s Not What You Think

Most men assume women cheat because they’re “crazy” or irrational. That’s often the word they use.

She’s emotional.

She’s moody.

She changes her mind.

She flips from warm to cold overnight.

But calling her crazy isn’t an explanation.

It’s a reaction.

What’s really going on is deeper,

and if you don’t understand it,

you risk losing your relationship without even seeing it coming.

Women Cheat Because of Feelings, Not Logic

Men tend to use logic to assess situations.

They think in systems,

patterns,

processes.

So when their partner’s behaviour doesn’t follow that logic...

when she starts arguments,

withdraws affection,

or becomes distant...

Deciding whether or not to get a divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration. There is no universal answer as to when it is the "right" time, as every relationship and situation is unique. However, here are some factors to consider:

Consider the seriousness of the problems

• Abuse: If there is any form of abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, or financial), it is crucial to prioritise your safety and well-being. In such cases, seeking help and considering separation or divorce is important.