Are you on the Rebound?
It might not be as bad as you think.
According to this study...
Focusing on someone new relieved the anxiety of missing your ex.
Their longing for their ex was disrupted.
Maybe.
Or maybe this was just a side-effect of time playing out.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167209341580
Then again it just might.
It might be really, really bad.
It might delay your healing and make your life worse...
Much worse.
What does being on the rebound mean?
Running away from the pain of your loss.
Seeking to replace your ex as quickly as possible....
Usually with a similar model...
In the mistaken belief that they will fill the void.
Rushing into a commitment without knowing the person...
Imaging they will be similar to your ex because...
They look like them,
They have the same job,
They go to the same church,
They like the same bands,
They have a similar dog...
Whatever the similarity you have jumped on...
It won't be what you are looking for.
Because you are looking to pretend you are still with your ex...
And when you realise the new person does not match up...
You will be back to being lonely and sad..
Just with the added complication of trying to disentangle yourself from the new person.
Clues that you are on the rebound
You are desperate to meet someone.
This means:
You will be in a hurry.
You will lower your standards.
You will overlook the "red flags".
You will sign on to various dating sites...
I knew one guy who sent the same message to over 50 women...
He then avidly persued 5 of them...
He scared them all off because his desperation was apparent.
Another clue:
You can't bear being on your own.
If you have a weekend alone...
You feel restless.
Anxious.
Miserable.
Lonely.
Isolated.
And finally:
You spend far too much time trying to replace your ex.
How much is far too much?
You know...
More than 3 dates per week...
More then 30 minutes per day on dating sites...
Trawling the bars every weekend...
Chatting up everyone at work...
At the supermarket..
Train station...
Petrol station...
And if you are immoral...
Chasing after your friend's partners.
How to stop being on the rebound.
Just stop.
How?
Accept that you miss your partner.
Accept that you are grieving the pain of loss.
Accept that you need to heal...
Whatever that entails.
Cry...
Therapy...
Find yourself holiday...
Volunteer...
Yes focus on others and your wounds will shrink.
It is not possible to leapfrog over this one.
If you don't take the time to heal ...
You won't heal.
Your pain will just fester...
We've all seen those people...
Ruining their present and future because they are still idolising their ex...
And there is a big difference between the one that got away...
Someone who was truly great...
And lamenting the loss of an adulterous, angry, alcoholic.
But that is the subject of another post.
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