Post written by retired family law solicitor advocate

I wrote this original post on 10 April 2010.

I met lots of people who were stuck.

Stuck in sadness.

Stuck in anger.

Stuck in envy.

Stuck in hate.

Many did not want to be happy and content.

They wore their victimhood like a cloak to protect them.

How to move on?

There are three stages.

They require self-awareness.

They require letting go of the residual benefits of your current situation.

They require courage.

Let me count the ways...

to misquote our famous bard Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Personal Growth

Maybe you have been stuck in a rut for years.

Maybe you have been stagnant in a comfort zone of misery.

Maybe you lost yourself in the misery of an unhealthy existence.

Divorce may force you to re-evaluate.

Take stock of your life.

We all know the line. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. It's supposed to be optimistic. Accepting. Wise.

But what if it’s nonsense?

Lots of people I speak to in divorce are still quietly grieving the one they really loved.

Not the person they married.

Often not even the person they lived with.

But someone else.

A past relationship they never got over.

A path not taken.

A version of themselves that no longer exists.

They tell themselves they moved on.

They settled down.