post written by a retired solicitor advocate
Some people want to divorce.
Others want a war.
And if you are dealing with someone who is determined to make your life difficult, even the simplest things can become exhausting.
They refuse to answer questions.
Ignore correspondence.
Delay financial disclosure.
Make unreasonable demands.
Threaten court proceedings.
Or accuse you of things you have never done.
And you spend your days wondering how on earth you are supposed to get divorced from someone who refuses to cooperate.
The answer?
You need a strategy.
Stop Expecting Them to Change
This is where people waste enormous amounts of time.
They keep trying to explain.
Trying to negotiate.
Trying to be reasonable.
Trying to get their ex to understand.
And hoping that eventually they will behave sensibly.
But what if they do not?
What if the conflict is deliberate?
What if delaying proceedings suits them?
What if every argument is simply another opportunity to maintain control?
You cannot base your divorce strategy on the hope that someone will suddenly become cooperative.
You need to deal with the situation as it actually is.
The Court Needs Evidence, Not Emotion
If your ex is lying, hiding assets or refusing to comply with court directions, you may have good reasons to challenge their behaviour.
But you need to do it properly.
Judges need facts.
Documents.
Relevant evidence.
And clear explanations of what has happened.
Not twenty pages describing how dreadful your ex has been throughout the marriage.
There is a difference between conduct that is relevant to financial proceedings and behaviour that is upsetting but has little bearing on the financial outcome.
Understanding that difference is important.
What About the Children?
If your ex is using the children to continue the conflict, the situation can be particularly difficult.
You may be facing allegations.
Disputes over living arrangements.
Problems with contact.
Or concerns about controlling behaviour.
The court's priority is the children's welfare.
And where domestic abuse is alleged, there are specific procedures and safeguards that may apply.
You need to understand what evidence matters and how to present your concerns appropriately.
Do Not Let Your Ex Dictate Your Strategy
One of the worst things you can do is become completely reactive.
Every time they send an aggressive message, you respond.
Every time they threaten something, you panic.
Every time they change their position, you change yours.
Before long, they are controlling the direction of your case.
Stop.
Think.
What is the legal issue?
What outcome are you trying to achieve?
What is the most sensible next step?
How I Can Help
I have over 20 years' experience in family law, including difficult financial and children cases.
I can help you identify the important issues, assess your options and work out a sensible strategy.
If your ex is withholding disclosure, delaying proceedings or making unreasonable demands, we can consider the appropriate response.
And if something is not worth fighting over, I will tell you.
Final Thought
You do not have to win every argument to achieve a good outcome.
You need to know which arguments actually matter.
My £20 Divorcing a Narcissist Guide explains how to approach high-conflict divorce.
But if you need advice tailored to your circumstances, book my £195 Strategy Call, including written advice afterwards.
Stop letting your ex dictate the process.
Start making decisions based on the law, the evidence and a proper plan.
Need legal advice about separation, infidelity, or divorce?
for straightforward, strategic advice from a former solicitor advocate.